Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Informercial Hell

My son and daughter can recite pretty much every 'buy one get one free / call now' offer that you can find between episodes of 'Spongebob' on Nickelodeon. Max even told me that I should get the first ever touchscreen BlackBerry from Verizon Wireless and their 3G network -- turns out they sponsor every since Kids OnDemand show...lovely.

We have bought 'Bendaroos' -- don't get them. They did however teach the kids an important lesson about how cool something looks on TV is usually directly proportional to how crappy it is once you get it. Lesson learned. But they still want those pixels that dry and make art, and they still want the Snuggie. Turns out, the Snuggie has its own subculture...check out Richard Roeper's breakdown of the Snuggie:

http://blog.richardroeper.com/?p=489

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Great News Fans of Original Programming!!!

From my fave weekly TV Chat on USAToday.com....someone was reading my mind, and the answer is even better...

Toronto, Canada: Hi Robert...I thought that February was sweeps month, when I could see new episodes of shows with special guest stars, but CBS is repeating its Monday lineup for the 2nd week, and ABC and NBC are also repeating shows this week. Have sweeps become a victim of low ratings or the recession?

Robert Bianco:
Don't blame the recession; blame the (now delayed) digital transformation. The sweeps were moved from February to March to get them out of the way of the planned February switch to an all digital broadcast system. But the networks know people expect new episodes in February, so they reacted to the switch by spreading a mix of new and old shows over the two month period. That does mean you're seeing more repeats now than you'd normally see, but you'll be seeing more new outings than usual next month, so it all balances out.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Slumdog's Night, Very Classy.

I watched the Oscars the way they are meant to be viewed in 2009 -- in their entirety almost completely in Fast Forward beginning around 9 PM.

I watched the opening number - classy.
I liked the set and the host - classy.
I watched the awards for people - I like famous people.
I watched the funny presenters and the bits and clips -- funny and classy.
I watched the second dance number - classy.
Beyonce - classy.
I watched for Heath Ledger's family - classy.
I watched for Slumdog to win it all so all the kids could come up - classy.
I thought Resse Witherspoon looked very unclassy.
I didn't care for Queen Latifah singing live over the death montage - unclassy.
I only saw one movie nominated for Best Picture -- and it won -- classy.
I will however eventually see Frost/Nixon and Milk and The Wrestler.
Good for Jerry Lews - he is classy.
Saw everything I needed to see and caught up live as we got to Best Actor - classy.

Friday, February 20, 2009

ReRun City

I watched the Badgers dispose of Indiana last night. When I got upstairs I was looking forward to 'The Office' and '30 Rock' -- it is still February sweeps, so I just assumed they would be new. NOPE. Fine, I will go back and watch the back-to-back 'Scrubs' from Tuesday...NOPE...double re-runs. Dah-bull-re-runs.

I guess February isn't a Sweeps month anymore. I didn't get the memo. Well I look forward to watching the premiere of 'Dollhouse' from last week and episode two this evening.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Ratings From Last Night Anyone?

From my friends at TVguide.com as always...

Wednesday's ratings rundown:

8 pm/ET
American Idol cued up an audience of 24.4 million total viewers, up 5 percent from last year's first results show. CBS, which came in second for the hour, saw gains for Old Christine (7.32 mil, +260K) and Gary Unmarried (7.26 mil, +400K).

This week's Lost rehash (5.57 mil) surged 17 percent to best a new Knight Rider (5.49 mil).

9 pm
Criminal Minds drew the most viewers (15 million), but Lost topped the demos. Lost bounced back from last week's "Idol-ized" setback to deliver 11.27 mil — and thus edge out Lie to Me (which dipped 78O thou, to 11.22 mil). Life inched up 440K, to 5.16 mil.

10 pm
As CSI: NY (12.35 million viewers, down 500 thou) and Law & Order (7.15 mil, down 370K) both dropped, Life on Mars saw its audience liven up by some 13 percent, hitting 5.8 mil.

A Couple of LOST Thoughts...

1. Am I allowed to complain about the Oceanic 6's ability to basically teleport back to the island? I mean there probably was no plane crash right? I think the explanation is going to be they were just returned there? And Lapidus is the pilot?
You see, I have more than accepted the ability for an island to move through time and space, but I am unwilling to accept that the Losties could be dropped back there from an overhead airplane -- and into the 1950's no less.

2. Here is what we don't know about our friends as the boarded the plane:
a. Why is Sayid in custody and on that plane?
b. Where is Aaron and why did Kate stash him away?
c. Why is Hurley on the plane? Who told him to come?
d. What the hell happened to Ben?

I want some new answers to these questions....
Local theorist and Lostologist A.K. postulates that the 'business' that Ben needed to attend to, down at the marina, that got him beat up, was his revenge against Charles Widmore...a.k.a killing Penny. He knew she must be in town once he saw Des -- so he found Penny to finish what he told Widmore he was going to do. I assume we'll see Des back on the island soon to avenge her wrongful death. I know it sounds dark, but Ben does hate Widmore, Ben is pretty much evil, and Ben has killed a lot of people including (most likely) Sayid's wife.

Well anyway -- more questions than answers amidst a quick-moving episode with more answers than we are used to. Wrap your head around that. Even when you feel like the show has thrown you a shit-sandwich -- it never ceases to be awesome and I wait patiently each week giving it the benfit of the doubt.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Lost Primer

There is a great website recapping past episodes and trying to set the record straight on theories and clues. That website is called Long Live Locke and I implore you to check it out before tonight's episode. There is also a great, and very spoiler-free interview with Michael Emerson (Ben Linus) here.

I miss 'Fringe' already and it has only been a week. Meanwhile, it seems that February Sweeps is not as fun as it used to be - CBS has already benched HIMYM and Big Bang for the next two weeks in favor of re-runs, so I guess they know something I don't about the value of sweeps.

Speaking of which, little known fact....'Sweeps' months are really only for the local affiliates these days to get their ratings measured for the 10 O'Clock news. Did you know that? All your fave network shows are metered nightly and weekly, but the news ratings in your town, which set advertising rates, are only judged in November, February, and May. The networks recognize the need to help out their local carriers, so they put out their best material during these months so that the eyeballs stayed glued to their stations. During the promos, when your news anchor tells you that there are three restaurants in your town serving spoiled foods, or find out which bus drivers in your district are drunk, you will be sure to tune in at 10. And that my friends, is one to grow on.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I Need To Write More Often..

Every morning I have something to say, but recently ye old client has put down the serious clamps on Blogspot. I am sure there is a way I can email my thoughts to the blog -- I mean I can email my Tweets and I can order a pizza online without having to talk to someone, I am sure I can send a post here -- but no one has told me how. And I am not that patient.

If I did have the power to log on from the world wide leader in medicinal-related payments, I would have said the following:

TUESDAY MORNING:
Wow, Christine Baranski was great in the 'Big Bang Theory' this week and Leonard got some damn close to his goal of bedding Penny...next time he we learn to shut his mouth and let his general geekiness to the talking.

'24' was stellar and awesome per usual, I love this show and this season is going very well. I need Choloe to hurry up and get enaged with the FBI after we figure out who the mole is, because she really needs to kick Janice Gold's ass. Am I right? Can I get an....forget it.

WEDNESDAY MORNING:
'Fringe' is so damn good now, and the mythology is only growing in multiple directions which I love. We have 'The Pattern' and we have 'Oliva has special brain powers' and we have 'Dr. Bishop wrote a crazy future-bible' and we have 'Oliva's step dad is mean' and we have 'what the hell is going on with Peter and Olivia and Oliva's sister'. This show rocks....then we heard the worst 7 words on television:

Fringe will return with new episodes in April.

Thanks FOX, way to build it up and then kill the momentum.

THURSDAY MORNING:
'Lost' is even better than I could have imagined this year, I wish I could just sit down and knock out the whole season at once -- but I cannot wait and I am not disciplined enough.
Here is Doc Jensen's review on EW.com, he is pretty much the nation's #1 LOST expert:
READ IT HERE
I know, it's lazy -- but you should read it. We can break now some conspiracy theories next week.

Did you watch 'Important Things with Dimitri Martin' on Comedy Central like I told you too? Well it was awesome, it was smart, it was clever, it was funny and it reminded me why SNL really sucks. Welcome to my living room Dimitri -- see you next week.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

SNL Sucks: Bradley Cooper Edition

Wow. Watched this episode last night mere hours after watching Bradley Cooper on the big screen in 'He's Just Not That Into You...". I am sure his performance was fine, I sort of lost focus after he stripped and bent Scarlett Johannson over his desk.
What? I'm not allowed to enjoy a light romantic comedy? Like that scene wasn't inserted into the film as a thank-you to the husbands and boyfriends of America who get sucked into this movie and then at the end are left defending the male species, their own dating history, and motives within their current relationship? That is a lot to grasp in one night -- so seeing an 80 foot semi-nude ScarJo is sort of a peace offering I suppose.
I do recommend the film however.

So Brad Cooper was obviously excited to be on SNL, but as usual, the show failed on a million levels. Cold Open was fine, not funny ha ha, mostly fun uh huh, uh huh, yep yep, yes, yes...
They tried to give Brad Cooper a monolgue taking advantage of all the times he was caught on tape in the audience of 'Inside the Actors Studio' -- awful.

I am not going to go scence by scene, but we fast forwarded through much of it, painfully, and a little saddened as comedy keeps dying a slow death every week. The bit where the four guys tell gross stories then sing a chorus is always clever -- but not this time. The game show about the host having sex with the contestants wives? Funny for the first minute....
The Today Show skit was brutal. The Digital Short on the boat was....well I don't even know what it was...yeah Andy Samburg, you are on a boat....my god.
The news was pretty good this time around, Seth did a nice job with 'really' and even Keenan Thompson made me laugh. Then throwing it back to a Bjork joke? REALLY Seth, Bjork jokes? Really?
Then the final straw for me was the Johnny Lawrence bad guy talk show...all the makings of a classic...even Sense was behind the camera....and who do they go with? Hans Gruber and a half-ass impression of Glenn Close. I am sure 17 year olds across America were scratching their heads...I was and I grew up with that movie.

WHAT IS GOING TO SAVE COMEDY? From what I am told, its going to be this:
New Comedy Central Show premiering this Wednesday

The Week That Was....

I love me some sweeps television. This month is already off to a great start with Lost, 24, Fringe, and Life on Mars all knocking it out of the park. This is too much fun and I hope when I am 75 and bored, TV is still this good.
I should first point out that this Dell desktop (circa 2002) doesn't like to work very well when you are burning a CD - so as I type this , the letters actually appear on screen about 10 seconds later. Oh the early 00's, when technology was still archaic.

MONDAY
HIMYM and Big Bang were both excellent this week. Barney's video resume probably sent 1000's of today's young off to their PCs to start working on their video tribute to their own careers. Lily and Robin are both pregnant in real life and Lily (Allison Hanigan) is getting harder to cover up, so kudos to the writing staff who created a plot around Lily's hot dog eating passion so we could see her in all her pregnant glory - so clever. I have nothing specific to point out on Big Bang other than the actors have become one with their characters and the show just totally flows right now. Sheldon's lack of concern regarding money vs. Penny's hang ups, was a nice role reversal of personality. And as usual, Howard and Raj rock.

24 -- I think I will wait until this week to comment. As I think I have explained before, the show basically works as three 8 hour arcs, and I think we are getting close to wrapping up #1 -- I like where its going, but it is really only just beginning. I assume we meet John Voight soon.

Gossip Girl -- I liked the ending. Good for Dan and the no-longer-fired (woops) English teacher...Serena is a nightmare anyway, too much baggage. As far as Chuck Bass and his 'Eyes Wide Shut' liason? Kind of dumb, although I appreciated how Nate and Vanessa happened to be playing the movie's piano driven score while Chuck tried to remember what happened to him. This is going to be end up being an awful B plot once it has played out. BRING CHUCK BACK TO SCHOOL.

TUESDAY
I watched a great SVU this week with Ron Eldard who I still call Shep since his days on ER driving the ambulance. Remember when he had his own show with Rob Schneider called 'Men Behaving Badly'? Didn't think so....well he played an ex-con trying to find his missing daughter and Burt Young was involved as well -- and ever since Pauly lost all of Rocky's money by giving it to Bernie Maddoff, I have been angry with Burt -- but he and Shep delivered a great episode of television.

'Fringe' is awesome -- I love Oliva and the Bishop family, and I love that the conspiracy is growing, but they haven't thrown it into our faces over the last few weeks - they are letting the show evolve while sneaking in just enough to keep the mythology-fans happy.

WEDNESDAY
'Lost'. Aside from the big reveal that Ben was the one looking for Kate's kid -- dumb -- the rest of this episode was great. As soon as the losties found that wreckage with the cargo written in French, I knew we were going to meet young Rousseau -- and we did, pregnant with Danielle. And Jin is still alive! Yeah! Should be interesting watching Jin try to figure out what the hell is going on. Meanwhile, back in LA, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz -- can't wait for this story to get interesting. Sawyer seeing Claire and Kate during the birth of Aaron was cool as well. This show just keeps firing (at least on the island).
NEW RIDICULOUS THEORY OF THE WEEK: Penny and Desmond are like Adam and Eve and their young son Charlie is actually Charles Widmore trapped in time. Wha? Huh? So Penny is the mother of her father? No thanks....next.

'Life on Mars' -- the conspiracy continues...who is making the calls to Sam, how does this person know he is trapped through time, what is this secret project he is a part of and why is it also written in Russian?
And most importantly -- does ABC think we are fucking stupid, playing episodes out of order? Really? I get what they did -- the episode from this week would have been the first episode watched by 'Lost' fans and it was heavy-mythology whereas last weeks ep which should have been this week's was more single-episode plot driven. I mean I get it -- its just BS and confusing, especially since this episode picked up where they left off in November...it took me like 30 minutes to figure out what the hell I thought I was missing.

THURSDAY
I didn't love '30 Rock', I'm not going to kiss its ass for the sake of doing so. It had its beyond clever moments - like everything between Tracy and the investment bankers - but I didn't love the John Hamm bit or anything involving Jack and Salma Hayek...maybe next week.

'The Office' is on fire (no pun intended) since the Super Bowl and this episode didn't let anyone down. I mean would a liar bring mini Mounds? I didn't think so.
Anytime I can listen to Michael Scott lecture and cringe on the inside througout, is a great episode for me.

FRIDAY
I fell asleep during 'Numbers'....so I will have to get back to you. I don't think there is anything else on Friday nights for people under 100 years old. Sorry Jennifer Love-Hewitt, but your fan club median age went from 15 to 112.

Monday, February 2, 2009

A Super 'The Office'

I think we all can admit the sub-plot involving Jim and Pam's issues with Pam's parents, and Andy watching the pirated movie starring Jack Black, Cloris Leachmen, and Jessica Alba was a bust. I mean a downer of a B Plot with no point other than to extend a 40 minute 'The Office' into a 60 minute version. It was a like a microcosm of season 2 of '24' when the whole 'B' plot was the misadventures of Kim Bauer.

Anyway, let us focus on the good 40 minutes....

Opening scene with the 'real fire drill' was epic, I mean brilliant. The cat going through the celing, Oscar exiting through the celing, the chair bouncing off the window, the overhead projector going through the window, the copier breaking against the door, the overall panic....just incredible stuff. Finally Stanley has a heart-attack and Michael tries to revive him with a reminder that he is black and Obama is finally President.

Dwight and Michael's visits to corporate were very funny as was the scences involving CPR class culmiating with Dwight's organ harvesting. Call me crazy, but this is just brilliant comedy writing.

I loved the Roast too. Even though it ended a bit sadly, the roast itself was top notch, and the episode ended on a happy note, so there ya go...and of course, maybe the line of the decade was uttered by Michael in preparation for the roast..I am paraphrasing until I can get it right:

"I am going to have to remember to call YouTube and have them come down here and film this."

By the way -- the Super Bowl was fantastic, Springsteen was fantastic, the comeback was fantastic, and the winning touchdown was amazing -- everything you'd ask for in the 'big game'. Nice job NFL.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Officially the Worst SNL Ever...

and here is why...

When you bring back Steve Martin for the 15th time, it should just be automatically that much funnier...right? But you know what, when you have no material to work from...even the funniest men in America look downright stupid.

Pacino in 88 Minutes anyone?
DeNiro and Pacino together in that awful movie from earlier this year?
Beyonce singing 'Upgrade to DirecTV'?
Dame Judi Dench in that awful Vin Diesel Sci-Fi movie?
Paul McCartney in Wings?


Sometimes the greats cannot get out of their own way when the material just isn't there.
The writers just mailed this one in. For sure.

Obama cold open....fine, whatever...but not funny.

Edible Pampers? OK, cute. Gross, but I see where you're going...

3 pompus people go to a bar during the Super Bowl. REALLY? REALLY?

Keenan Thompson doing 'Issues'....uh huh. Wow, same as every other Keenan Thompson character.

Any of the awful McGrubers? Didn't think so...and a total waste of LEE MAJORS. Idiot SNL writers. Speaking of which, nice job on the Digital Short -- cats with lasers...hillarious...Fast Forward.

Hey look, its Kristen Wiig doing a funny voice with a zany lady married to Steve Martin. No funny.

Bernie Madoff calls people over the Super Bowl and no one answers....YOU ARE FUCKING SLAYING ME NOW....

Steve Martin gets it on with the four lady cast members...fine, whatever - Steve Martin is still funny when he gets to be Steve Martin.

News....more Gov. David Patterson is blind jokes. Look everyone, he reads his notes with binoculars. HEE HEE HEE. Hey, his chair rolled into Seth. Stop the comedy it hurts so much.

TV turn off. Goodnight. Someone wake me up from this long national nightmare.