Wednesday, January 30, 2008

End the Strike

Seriously. End it. Did you see this? I think we hit bottom:

The 22 fight-trained pitbulls recovered from disgraced NFL star Michael Vick's property after his dog fighting ring was exposed will have their "rehabilitation" chronicled in Dogtown, a new series on National Geographic Channel.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

DISASTER STRIKES!!!

My 9th worst nightmare happened. The other eight are pretty bad, but in context, number nine blows. Hard.
You see, the old boob tube froze up last night. It's happened before, Comcast isn't perfect, in fact, they blow too. Hard.
So I unplugged the DVR as I have many, many times before. But this time disaster struck. When I started it back up again the old DVR showed 0% space used up.

ZERO PERCENT.

Here is what is gone:
1. All my settings for shows to record and the supporting meta-data: First run, repeats, start times, end time extensions, how many to save, etc...
2. Pushing Daisies -- all 10 episodes
3. Chuck -- all 10 episodes
4. DirtySexyMoney - all 10 episodes
5. Sarah Connor Chronicles -- all 4 episodes
6. All our kids programming including the kick-ass 50 minute Backyardigans Knight movie. Which if you've seen it, you know it rocks. And did I mention it's 50 minutes?

So here I am, like Bruce Banner at the end of an episode of 'The Incredible Hulk'. And just because they called him David Banner, doesn't take away from the analogy -- I am lost, wearing only my tattered clothes, hitchhiking down the road trying to figure out what is next for me. Cue awesome closing music. Fade Out.

So I will start over. I will rent season 1 on DVD of all three shows -- something to do this summer. And maybe I will go to bed a little earlier the next few weeks. Maybe my wife and I will find the time to continue the elementary school debate before the clock hits midnight. I wasn't going to watch the Sarah Connor Chronicles anyway. I think they still publish books, right? Plus now I am free to enjoy Eli Stone and pick up another couple of shows and still have room on the DVR...

Lemons. Lemonade. Sold.

3 nights until LOST. Full review coming this weekend.

Friday, January 25, 2008

What's Wrong With America? Friday Edition

"Fox's 'The Moment of Truth', the new lie-detector reality show, was seen by 23.2 million viewers Wednesday night, the most-watched series debut in more than a year."

So here is how it goes...a lot of people like the Idol show -- I get the appeal, it's not for me, but I get the appeal. And frankly when my kids are a little older we will probably watch it together because frankly there isn't much else we can watch together. We tried American Gladiators, the net result was a severe beatdown that I took from the kids later that night as we tried the home version of the Eliminator and Joust. My back has yet to recover. In my defense, they tag teamed me and I didn't see it coming.

Back to the rant...
So what it comes down to is that 23 million people were so frickin lazy, they couldn't pick up the remote control when the show was over and pick something else. Anything else. Instead, they stayed around (and justified for FOX) a show that asks people if they have inappropriately touched a co-worker or cheated on a spouse. Some thoughts...
1. There is a chance everyone was repulsed (car accident style and had to watch once) - I will feel better if week 2 scores less than 10 million idiots.
2. There is a chance that the show is super clever and the next big thing and I am dogging it without watching it. I am sure this is the reason. Uh huh.
3. America has nothing else to watch (copyright writers strike day 112) -- but I will not buy this. Watching good or better TV is too easy -- but we still fall into a pattern of leaving the TV on to see what's next.
It's time we got involved in our viewing, time to take command of the TV Guide and program it --it is still programming too many of us. There is just too much good TV still out there to be seen. That's all I am saying. Let's not give credence to FOX reality shows and the lot -- it will only spawn more. And just when we thought this crappy phenomenon was over, the writers cannibalize themselves. They really did.

SOME OTHER THOUGHTS FROM THIS WEEK:
-Check out the new Law and Order -- the stories are better and the new cast members are excellent.
-Watching Gene Simmons on Celebrity Apprentice has been a treat, I will definitely tune into his other show 'Family Jewels' when it comes back. He is a total trip. I also looked him up and found out his real name is Chaim Witz and he was born in Haifa. I never knew that. Too funny.
-I will now be tuning out Celebrity Apprentice now that Gene Simmons got himself fired. Never seen anyone ask for it like he did. I assume he was bored.
-Did I mention Lost comes back next week?
-I think I am going to try Eli Stone, the new lawyer/fantasy show.
-Avid reader M.R. from 'Smokedale' reminds me to mention that it's getting harder and harder to read and enjoy Bill Simmons on ESPN.com. I mention this here only because Simmons has been my favorite on-line read for years. In reality, he is the writer I always wanted to be, and made it happen on his own, his way. It's a great story. His knowledge of sports mixed with pop culture is rivaled by no one and he can weave it perfectly into a 10,000 word essay. The problem is, with all the recent success by him home teams - Red Sox, Celtics, Patriots - and his continued use of the same 10 movie analogies, we are subjected to Boston articles littered with re-hashed pop culture almost endlessly. It is now to the point of saturation where I think I just need a short break from Simmons and his endless references to the Karate Kid and Shawshank. I hear the cries of reader M.K. -- but it will be hard to quit him. And yes, that was my shout out to the legacy of Heath Ledger.
-One benefit of the strike is that all major networks, during what is normally a sweeps month, will be devoting prime-time coverage to Super Tuesday. Wow, what a novel idea...

Happy Weekend to all.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

I think These Are My Non-Football Thoughts...

"I think these are my non-football thoughts' is how Sports Illustrated's Peter King begins the final 10,000 words of his weekly football column. He talks about TV, movies, travel, his family, coffee, and whatever else Peter King wants to talk about between cell phone calls with Antonio Cromatie and Ronde Barber. I think I will borrow a little of that as I stay away from TV and tell you that...

Brett Favre giveth and Brett Favre taketh away. Even though his defense did him absolutely no favors most of the second half, he still got himself to overtime and won the toss. And the thing is this with Favre, and we all know it -- if he marched his team 80 yards down field for the game winning score, we wouldn't have been surprised, the fact that he threw a pick on the second play -- also not surprising in the least. I would do anything (figuratively speaking) for a stable kick-ass football-loving QB like Favre, and a stadium that rocks the house like Lambeau. I am totally bummed out they are not going to the Super Bowl. I come from the root for your division and your rivals once your ass is done school. I even rooted for Michigan in the Cap One Bowl because I am so sick and tired of the pundits ripping the Big Ten to shreds. On any other given Saturday or Sunday, those two teams should get their collective asses embarrassed and then some --but not in this situation. A lot of people disagree. That's fine. Life is short.
All I am saying is that Favre is a god and even Vikings fans know it. But what he does to win games is the same thing that causes them to lose -- he is revered because of his cowboy ways, and tonight it bit him in the ass. I was looking forward to Favre v. Brady man-crush stories for the next two weeks on ESPN. Now I have to live with Peyton vs. Eli debates. Fuck. What else is on?

Breaking news -- The Timberwolves continue to suck. And badly. They are finding new and creative ways to lose games. Last night they led by 4 in Denver with a minute to go and could have iced the game twice -- they lost. Its OJ Mayo time baby! But we here in the great white north know exactly how this works...the Wolves get jacked into the 4th pick while Miami picks up Mayo and someone else gets Love, Beasley, and we get Eric Gordon. Not that he isn't a good little player -- but that's exactly what he is. I have laundry piles bigger (and older) than him. (Insert your which one smells worse after a game joke here).

Took Max to see a Wolves game. I promised him fireworks and excitement during player intros. Yeah, I didn't get the memo that the Wolves ran out of money already. Me and the other 2000 fans at Target Center were treated to an opening matching the worthiness of the players it was intended to introduce. Brutal. Max not fired up. He also wanted to know where the male cheerleaders were and when the girls would be thrown in the air. I told him he wasn't going to see that here. He wanted to go home. Baby steps....Baby steps.
How empty and sad was Target Center you ask? Max decided (as he always does), that a nice public place like the Center was a good place for a #2. That's right -- #2. So we hit the head and lets just say this -- Max likes to take his time, so we spent a good portion of the second quarter talking about why they have three roles of toilet paper lined up in the box, and why someone needs a key to come and change the roles. Not one person came into the restroom the whole time -- not one. I could lie and tell you they were caught up in a game matching two teams with a combined 11 wins, but no -- they were at home making better use of their time.
We left at halftime, it was a good experience for the boy and we'll come back in a few years -- along with the fan base. It's sad. It is -- and we all knew it was coming and were ok with it. KG had to go, if not now, he would have left us with nothing -- it was the right thing to do. That being said, doesn't make it any easier. Not one bit. When do pitchers and catchers report? And which pitchers....argh, lets not get started on that one yet.

Couple TV notes and I will get out of here...watched the first 2 hours of the 'The Jewish Americans' -- really well done. Even my non-Jewish PBS-loving friends have been riveted -- and they all said the same thing -- "I wish Ken Burns had done the WW2 documentary this well -- because his sucked."
The new Law and Order cast rocks as have the first four stories -- its finally must see procedural TV again.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Short Week

I feel I owe it to myself and my 3 readers an update of what's going on this week.

SUNDAY: Watched the final 'Brothers and Sisters' until the strike is over. I am glad this was the last one, because I need a break from the Walkers. I figured this show out -- 3 weeks of problems escalating in a climactic dinner at the Walker's house where it all comes down. Tired. Also, Rob Lowe can not be President as I don't see Kitty moving to the White House, so lets stop making him the second coming of Jed Bartlett. The man can do no wrong...its getting old.

MONDAY: Left over episode of 'Notes from the Underbelly' -- this show pretty much sucks. The characters are unlikeable, the story lines are ridiculous, and the only saving grace is Jennifer Westfelt (sp?) who rocks.

MONDAY PART 2: The remains of Cashmere Mafia week 2. I was ready to call it quits after 2 episodes, but the introduction of Krista Allen as a stay-at-home bitch mom and her fight with one of the mafia girls was quite entertaining -- one more week for me as probation continues.

TUESDAY: Family Guy. Awesome. Funny. Rude. Offensive. I laughed a lot at Stewie playing the cool high school kid a la 'One Tree Hill'

TUESDAY PART 2: I watched my first episode of the Wire ever. This could become my new favorite show, more on that later -- I am still processing its greatness.

Idol did 33 million last night -- but it won't do me. Never.

Friday, January 11, 2008

30 Rock'd Again

The first unsolicited email response to last night's 30 Rock came in around 10:30, just before I was getting ready to watch. The message was simple, "too much kenneth".
The second response came well before 10:30 in the form of a voice mail, but was not picked up until the following morning. That message was pretty simple too - "very creative".

The difference in the two messages could not have been more clear to me - there are two camps of 30 Rock fans, those that like Kenneth and those who don't. And what I have noticed, is that if you don't like him, then its hard to move past it and remember that the rest of the episode was PURE GENIUS.

Me? I am in the 'I like Kenneth Camp', so I was undeterred by the email, and furthermore basked in the continued greatness that is this program. The best part is that most fans and ALL the critics know how good this show is, and they are all celebrating it while its still going (in season 2 no less). And the freaky thing is...it just keeps getting better -- Tina and Co. are obviously aware of their greatness and media/fan celebrated creativity, but they continue to crank out great work. Just some personal highlights for me last night:

-Midnight Train to Georgia was fantastic
-Children mine workers in PA
-The opening sequence where Jack was taking meetings (his 11 and his 11:10)
-The whole Liz buying a condo storyline
-Grizz and DotCom
-"This is New York, the Big Easy"

Anyway, I loved it and I am not exactly sure if there are more episodes in the can or not -- I will get right on that.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

No More Gossip...

I will miss Chuck Bass and he is semi-evil yet sadly lonely ways. I will miss Blair Waldorf in all her bitchy yet hollow and confused and low self esteem ways. I will miss Rufus and Lily, I will miss Jenny as she continues to successfully climb the ladder. I will miss Nate Archibald and his issues with the Captain. I will not miss Dan and Serena so much since they annoy the hell out of me -- but all in all, no more Gossip Girl for a long time until this strike is settled.
Looks like they are going to re-air the partial season starting next week on Mondays - so if you enjoy, have enjoyed, might enjoy, or are thinking about enjoying a teen drama -- I recommend this one to you. Also, Kristin Bell as the voice of Gossip Girl is great. This show is very well done.

Successfully avoided Cashmere Mafia last night. I told Lauren I will try once more and then I will probably have to move it into the category of Lifetime shows I will never, ever watch (copyright Army Wives, Side Order of Life, anything with Tori Spelling, etc).

I believe the new PBS mini-series 'The Jewish Americans' starts next Wednesday (EDIT -- it started last night which means its already on the TIVO). The reviews are rave and some people who saw a preview snippit said it was very well done and quite compelling. The total running time over 3 weeks is 6 hours -- so by my calculation, everyone gets about 5 seconds on the air. My profile will air in hour 5 between Leonard Nimoy and Gene Simmons.

Everytime I see a print ad for DirecTV or Dish Network I stare longer and longer. I want to pull the trigger so I can have the Big Ten Network and rid myself of Comcast, but I am still overly concerned about OnDemand content on Comcast being better, and more importantly the whole 'satellite outages during storms' thing. SDS Express of Minnetonka tells me his DishNetwork has survived all storms so far this year, but his installation story was so horrid I am really torn. I also need an HD DVR, a DVR, and an HD box, so I figure when its all said and done, it will cost about the same as what I have now -- but MORE BADGER HOOPS.

I haven't seen a sitcom in who knows how long -- 30 Rock is back tonight!!!!! I think we have 1 or 2 left and color me excited.

"You know you love me, XOXO Gossip Girl."

Monday, January 7, 2008

Winter 2008: The Second Season

January is here and so is new programing. It is officially mid-season, and even though we are in the midst of a strike, the networks still have a bunch of new shows to roll out that have been in the can for awhile. So this is good news, some fresh television and some new series to sample. Some highlights coming up for me are:

-Return of Lost on January 31 -- even though its only 8 episodes, its better than nothing. I am just excited for the mythology to continue, the chat boards to be fired up, and the online/magazine breakdowns to return. Seeing Matthew Fox on this weeks cover of Entertainment Weekly made me very excited for 'Lost talk'

-Return of Law and Order with a somewhat new cast

-The return of 'Old Christine' which is a very funny sitcom, and JLD is a fantastic comedic actress

-Celebrity Apprentice and American Gladiators (more on this below)

-Cashmere Mafia vs. Lipstick Jungle (since the wife will be watching, I might get involved just to see whats going on there...more on this below)

-The Wire, season 5. I missed the first four but I am hearing I just need to get in and get going with this show.

-Sarah Connor Chronicles....why not? No 24 this year, so I might as well replace the hour. Seems logical.

-DVR'd episodes of Dirty, Sexy, Money and Pushing Dasises.

In fact, they don't need to come back from the strike, I have plenty to do here. Looks like my plate is fairly full.

This past weekend I rocked out the new Celebrity Apprentice. Now you know how I feel about reality TV, and I am not going to get on my Lauren-Conrad-and-MTV-reality-shows-are-the-downfall-of-society soapbox -- there are plenty of people to do that. And if you like those shows, then enjoy. I don't.
But I am going to watch the Donald and his so-called celebs battle it out for charity if for only to see the genius that is Gene Simmons each week. Omarosa (celebrity?) was the obvious choice for dismissal this week, but she must be good for rating so instead Trump fired the super-hot playboy centerfold because 'she didn't call Hugh Hefner for a donation to the hot dog sales competition' -- seems logical right? It's a whole new world out there when Trump chooses ratings and drama over ass. Who is this Donald Trump?
Meanwhile, Trump asks the guys and girls to sell hot dogs and the winner is the team that makes the most money. The girls are out there working their marketing campaign and designing T-shirts while Gene Simmons made a couple phone calls to high-rollers. Winner you ask? Oh, the guys by about $60,000.
Stephen Baldwin is a trainwreck waiting to happen. I love that NBC has cornered the market on Baldwins. I assume Daniel will show up soon on ABC to support his brother Billy (on Dirty, Sexy, Money) and then we can get an all out ABC vs. NBC Baldwin cage match. And why do I think ABC and NBC would get together on this ratings game...precedent folks, precedent.

You see, ABC is sending Kimmel to Leno, and NBC is sending Leno to Kimmel. This Thursday night. What a frickin disaster this strike is becoming. The other night Conan just sat there spinning his ring to see how long he could keep it going. Friday night, Bill Maher is coming back to HBO on 'Real Time', but instead of a monologue, he is going to talk to the audience. Shoot me now.

This rant has been all over the place, my apologies. Back to the weekend.

We also watched American Gladiators -- took me back to my childhood and it was awesome. People getting hurt left and right, getting the steriods knocked right out of them. The final obstacle course, the Eliminator, was chewing people up -- too funny. I will be back for more tonight.

Cashmere Mafia premiered last night. One girl thinks she is a lesbian, one girl is married to a quiet guy with not much to say, one girl is married to a cheater which she excuses because she is busy with her career, and one woman lost her fiance because he couldn't handle the fact that she was promoted over him. This show really loves men. Thanks Darren Starr! From the female side though, these girls weren't all that interesting -- I couldn't even tell them apart for awhile. I will give it another go around and see where its headed. But if every dude is a cheater who can't handle successful women, I am out.

Speaking of out. More later, out.

P.S. Gladiators killed Mafia last night, and Mafia only held 54% of the Desperate Housewives lead-in. Not so good. Also this, Marcia Cross rules on DH and Terri Hatcher is the worst. Just brutal.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

OBSESSION COMPLETE

Like any good writer, I live up to my written promises. I came down here to Florida prepared to immerse myself in the works of Diablo Cody, and now the mission is complete.

-Read Candy Girl
-Saw Juno
-Read about 85 reviews of Juno
-Read about 10 articles about Cody from LA Times and StarTrib
-Overhyped Cody at dinner to about 20 people over 7 days as if she was my sister

Candy Girl rocked. I laughed, I cried, I got physically ill when I found out what my 'neighbors' are doing behind closed doors at SexWorld. It was a very good and quick read, took about 2 total sittings, and was very interesting and entertaining. I don't think you have to have been a patron at any one of the establishments where BonBon or Roxanne worked, but it doesn't hurt. I recommend this book to anyone.

I don't need to be the 10,000th person (critic or common man) to expound on how awesome Juno is. Anyone who told you that the film is anywhere from palatable to outstanding is correct, and anyone who told you it sucked, or made up some story about the dialogue being too preachy, too cerebral, or unrealistic...well they just wish they could have written something that clever, funny, and heartwarming. Wow, I sound like Roger Ebert. Get me a sandwich.

I also found out through several articles that Cody wrote the movie at the CRYSTAL SUPER TARGET. So there goes my Plymouth story...and its like selling a house - once you know the truth, no more lying.

I put just under 35 golf balls in the water this past week, a new personal record. And then I bought some second-chance balls from the local supermarket (at this point I am not going to be paying a premium for such disposable items) - could have sworn that half the box were mine from earlier this week. Also got my ass beat down at tennis by my brother this morning as a solid reminder that I am out of my element -- I need to get back home, in front of the TV, ready for the winter strike-laden season. Bring on the mid-season replacements!!!

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008

We got home from dinner and fireworks about 945 (eastern time) and put the kids to bed somehow. Watched the ball drop with our good friends Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest on ABC and a little Carson Daly on NBC. I am not as much of a night owl as I used to be so I rarely see the Carson Daly Show which is on right after 30 minutes of station identification I think. He is so small? Is he sick? He looks terrible, it was distracting -- almost as distracting as special guest A-Rod who officially has nothing to bring to the table at a new years eve telecast. You love New York A-Rod? Its a great city? Thanks. Why don't you throw some one dollar bills in the air and make it rain a little, huh?
I have nothing against ageless celebrities who stroke out then try to make a triumphant TV comeback. It was heartwarming when Dick Clark did it last year. This year it was just downright creepy. And you know who enjoyed it the least? Seacrest. You could just tell.
Also this, after the episode of Friends where Ross wanted to be a New Years Eve dancer gave away the secret that the indoor dancing bits are filmed like a month in advance, I can't really get up for that part anymore. I am sure Fergie did a great job 'hosting' from LA last week, but I just flipped to Anderson Cooper who was continously assualted by Kathy Griffen, his co-host all night. She is great in small doses. Really small. So yesterday was a perfect forum for her. I think she asked Anderson if after the telecast he was flying to Islamabad. Good stuff.

As I type this Hawaii is getting their ass kicked. Illinios made the Big 10 look terrible in a game they never should have been invited to. BCS 0 for 2 right now.

Finally, I took Max (4) to his first Badger game today. I am not saying I am a freaky wierd emotional guy, but I teared up a little bit when the Badgers came out to the school song and Max was clapping along. I am admittedly super gay (not that there is anything wrong with that).

Outback Bowl Badgers game experience: excellent
game itself: very good
Outcome: very poor
Garmin GPS alternative stadium directions: poor (as in 'we took a tour of the poor part of Tampa')
Raymond James Stadium: well appointed. Thats what someone said, I have no idea what that even means.
Max's consumption: Hot Pretzel, Chicken Fingers, Fries, Cracker Jacks, Dippin Dots (mint chocolate chip)
First time Max asked to leave the game: mid 1st-quarter and about every 30 minutes after for the next 3.5 hours
Max's favorite part: Halftime show
Max's least favorite part: Four F-14's flyover in formation after national anthem. Slightly loud and a little upsetting it turns out.