Happy New Year....

...and happy new TV...soon.

We are almost back to our regularly scheduled programming - just one week away. During the spring we will be saying goodbye to 'Dirty/Sexy/Money' and hello to 'Scrubs', 'Lost', '24', and 'Dollhouse' -- as well as more 'Fringe' and more 'Life on Mars'. Color me excited for 2009 winter/spring programming. I assume we'll also see the return of 'Rules of Engagement' on CBS because everyone needs their David Spade and Patrick Warburton fix. We will also get the NFL Playoffs, the college basketball season, and the beginning of a new baseball season. I suppose the NBA is still playing too, I must have forgotten about it.

So its shaping up to be a fun year for TV and Op-Ed TV...see you soon.

Worst Blog Post Ever

There is nothing on TV right now. Not a thing. Oh there is football and basketball and porn, but I am not a blogger of these fine kinds of entertainment. If I was, I could probably do 10,000 words on yesterday's NFL action - but that is better left to Peter King. And really, does anyone blog about porn? I'd Google it, but the amount of computer viruses I might get wouldn't be worth it.

Total aside...someday I'd like a printout from Google of everything I've ever Googled. I hope the cops don't do this when they are investigating your murder.

"What do they know about Henderson?"

"Well, he was a huge Dolphins fan, was interested in stamp collecting, and had some sort of fascination with Miley Cirus + nude photos"

Sorry folks, that's all I got.

HIMYM Correction

It's been bothering me for 3 days now....in the recent episode of 'HIMYM', at the Minnesota Vikings bar in New York City, they continually refer to the Vikings upset loss to the Falcons in the 1999 NFC Championship game. But you know what? It may have taken place in January of 1999, but it was the 1998 NFC Championship game -- that is how the NFL, and anybody who follows football, refers to the postseason -- its the year when the season itself took place.

This glaring and outlandish Minnesota-based mistake now replaces Brandon Walsh's mispronunication of 'Wayzata, MN' from season 1 of the original 90210. For the record, he said they were from 'Why-zay-ta'. I understand though, it was the early years of the FOX network and they probably couldn't afford long distance to ask anybody.

MTV New 2009 Programming

The last thing I watched regularly on MTV was probably 'Remote Control'. I also enjoyed videos. From what my people tell me, with the cancellation of TRL, even those are gone now too. Here is their new schedule for 2009, perhaps you'll find something you might like. I did. Check out the synopsis for 'College Life' -- this one is right up my alley, hits close to home, and will either make me happy to be in my 30's, or yearning for the State Street Days of yesteryear...probably the latter.

The College Humor Show: An inside look at the lives of the twentysomethings who created CollegeHumor.com. The "characters infuse their workplace with a chaotic frat-house attitude." Sounds like: Animal House meets the Silicon Valley tech boom.

Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory: The pro skater from Rob & Big takes us into the "25,000 square foot industrial-complex-turned-funhouse" that houses his skateboard business, a concrete plaza (for skating, of course) and more. Sounds like: Life of Ryan, the working years.

College Life: Students at the University of Wisconsin - Madison, film themselves during freshman year. Expect tears, skin and — we'll go out on a limb here — emotional confrontations with pop songs playing in the background. Sounds like: The Hills with some education.

How's Your News?: South Park's Matt Stone and Trey Parker produce this documentary-style series in which reporters with disabilities do interviews with celebrities and regular people alike, at sites from red carpets to SXSW. Sounds like: A great idea.

Daddy's Girls: Angela and Vanessa Simmons leave Run's House to pursue their dreams in L.A., which include setting up a fashion line and acting. Diddy and Rev. Run produce. Sounds Like: Run's House in The Hills.

The Girls of Hedsor Hall (working title): Based on the UK's Ladette to Lady, Donald Trump's Hall ships 12 hard-partying American girls off to England to become proper ladies and compete for $100,000. Sounds like: My Fair Lady meets Charm School.

MTV's Untitled Performing Arts Show: Nick Lachey is goes behind the camera to executive produce a show that follows aspiring stars at the School for the Creative and Performing Arts. Sounds like: Fame

THANKS TO TVGUIDE.COM FOR THE SYNOPSIS AND COMMENTS.

HIMYM: Hello Vikings Bar...

Did not see that coming...An entire episode sub-plot dedicated to a Vikings bar in NYC, where any mention of the 1999 NFC Championship game gets a collective 'damn' throughout the bar. And everyone in a jersey or 'Helga braids'? Too funny. Lauren didn't laugh quite as much as I did, but for any real Vikings fan out there, this episode was very cathartic.

Also worth mentioning? 'The Big Bang Theory' has been hilarious this season. Monday night's episode is worth watching on CBS.com when you have 22 minutes...it is totally worth it and very, very funny. Really, trust me. Watch during lunch break or something.

SNL Sinks

So I haven't seen it yet, but if you haven't heard, SNL went after New York's governor for, you know, being blind. HEEE--LARRY---OUS. You see, the governor was hoping whomever he nominated for the senate seat could be impaired as well, maybe have a 'gamey arm' or something.

I am all for handicap humor when its appropriate. And of course, that level of appropriateness is different for each person. But somehow making fun of blind people for being blind is truly uninspired. Oh look, he doesn't know what camera to look into! Frickin' genius.

No one makes fun of Seth Meyers and his writing crew for being retarded do they?

Pelican Larry's (Naples, FL)

I am sitting at 'Pelican Larry's Raw Bar and Grill' watching some professional football. Besides the wings, peel-and-eat shrimp, and fresh grouper, every table has its own 26" HDTV against the wall. And each TV has a printed channel guide for which game is on which channel.
I assume that Pelican Larry's is not heaven, but I would like to think that heaven is a little bit like Larry's.

One-Liner...

Does Jack Donaghy know the Postmaster General?
He does, but they are in a fight over the new Jerry Garcia stamp. Why you ask?

"If I want to lick a hippy, I'll just return Joan Baez's phone calls"

'30 Rock' -- Oh how I love thee...

Is It Getting Hot in Here?

The answer is no.
Tonight there are three guys in my basement trying to fix the furnace. It started with one guy, and now we're pushing 11 PM and there are three trucks outside. I don't pretend to know anything about furnaces, but I am assuming a newer unit that is younger than most high school kids shouldn't be the cause of a city-wide APB. Now I have three trucks here. These fine gentlemen are off at midnight, so I am not sure if they are planning to sleep over or what the protocol is. I will be offering them beer if we get this thing fired up again.
So the TV watching has been a big fat zero tonight as there is no way I am watching the last 'The Office' and '30 Rock' of 2008 knowing that my house is 64 degrees and I might have to pretend to understand what the hell is going on. In related news, kudos to CenterPoint Energy and the Service Plus team for working on this a lot this week. Total number of man hours by my count? 16 since last week. I think we're getting close, we have to be....

Who's a Genius?

Turns out my 'Gossip Girl' prediction of Lily and Rufus having a love child that Rufus didn't know about that sent Lily to the crazy house was pretty much what everyone thought. So I am not as smart as I thought - but I have still been around long enough to predict the outcome of teen drama plots weeks before they happen.

I think the night in college, while sitting in the Towers watching 'Melrose Place', when a very dead Kimberly showed up in the last scene looking at Michael's house is when it all came together for me. The older you get, the better your plot beacon becomes. If you are 15 years old though? That Liliy-Rufus news blew your mind.

So basically I watch the same TV shows as 15 year-olds. No wonder my parents continue to shame me for not watching NCIS: Geriatric Ward and Boston Legal.

BREAKING NEWS: Leno moving to prime time

BREAKING NEWS: Leno moving to prime time on NBC, 5 NIGHTS A WEEK!

OTHER BREAKING NEWS: Ed Hoffman will never be watching NBC again from 9-10 PM central time.

OTHER BREAKING NEWS: Because of this change, now everyone can enjoy Law and Order: Rape, Murder, and Child Molestation at the much more palatable hour of 8 PM central. This decision was for the kids....

SNL Sucks + Molly Sims + Naked Girls

Now my blog is going to get even bigger! I've invited Google searches for naked girls!

No girls here unfortunately, only a very short review of SNL with John Malkovich.

Company holiday party last night and the Mrs. and I didn't get around to SNL until after 1 AM, so whatever I saw might have been better or worse, but I do know this:

-Great to see Amy Poehler surprise cold open -- she was very good and it was a good Clinton sketch.

-Malkovich had a nice monologue and the reading of 'Twas the night before Christmas' was good.

-Breathe Right for your butt? Ok, that one is for the kids...

-Hot office chick squats when she bends over and cannot sing or eat a banana? Fine, whatever...Malkovich was funny.

-Malkovich as a 14 year old girl at a slumber party? Again, sometimes the host makes more out of the material. REMEMBER THAT SNL NEXT TIME YOU CAST TIM MCGRAW.

-Weekend Update? Don't remember any jokes, great to see Amy back, maybe for the last time?

-J*zz In My Pants digital short? Here is the thing, and every podcast we did about SNL will confirm this, but the show is written by late 20/30 somethings making late 20/30 something pop culture references...except, they still love them some dick and fart jokes - as many as they can get into a 90 minute show. The video and song itself were super clever, and Samberg did a good job, and I loved 'D*ck in a Box', but this one just might have stepped over the line. Either that, or I am really in my mid-30s...

It All Adds Up...to cake

Do you watch 'Numbers', I mean 'Numb3rs'? I do. I think it is on Fridays, well, I know its on Friday, but I am trying to make a point -- who cares when its on, some nights I open the DVR like a refrigerator looking for some awesome leftovers, or maybe someone magically put some cold cuts in the meat drawer, or perhaps a rogue cake has taken up residence on a shelf...mmmm....cake. Well that's 'Numbers'. When its there, its like cake. Easy going down, doesn't hurt at all, a pleasant surprise you didn't expect.

I watched one last night because nothing else looked appealing at midnight...should I crack open this season of Earl? Nah....Should I watch Oliva Benson save another rape victim? Too late for that...should I go downstairs and watch 'Fringe'? I knew I should be double recording that one upstairs too....damn. And then there it is -- I like Rob Morrow, I like Dave Krumholtz, I like the FBI dudes, I like the storylines, and it makes me feel smart. Yeah, it does - even though its all bull shit and I retain none of it.

So watch 'Numbers' and enjoy some cake.

Random 'Numbers' trivia nugget....Charlie's girlfriend on Numbers is the same woman who played Ryan's old girlfriend on the O.C. Why is this interesting you ask? It is interesting because on Numbers she is Indian (like from India) and on the O.C. she was hispanic. Wah? A little digging and I found out she is....Indian. I am sure it must have been thrilling for her to break into television as an Indian-American actress only to be cast as a hispanic. And vice-versa, it must be quite enjoyable for out of work latino actresses to see the Indian girl playing them. Just ask those two hot out-of-work latino girls from 'The Nine'...speaking of which, one of them was on 'Numbers' last week...and we've come full circle.

'Gossip Girl' Spoiler Alert

-Girls looked hot
-Storyline continues to be blah
-Chuck wore a sequent tuxedo
-Bart Bass dies, I think, they don't show it and you don't see it, but its true
-Next week Chuck has his dad's dying secret to tell....my guess, and don't hold me to...Lilly and Rufus have a love child...and its going to be someone in their early 20's to 'wreak havoc' on the upper-east siders lives as we know it. I should write this shit for a living. If the secret is anything less impressive than that, then I'm moving on...

Not So Great

I just finished watching last week's 'Fringe' - I'll admit it, I am underwhelmed. Firstly, a serialized drama with conspiracy implications should be more compelling than this. I do like it, I am sticking with it, the shows are good -- I am just not hooked yet. Hopefully tomorrow night's episode will turn the page...it does keep getting better...I think. The good news is, FOX is sticking with it, so I will too.

Off to watch 'Gossip Girl' into the wee hours of the night, someone is going to die -- it might be my hopes and dreams for an alert morning.

Tiny Fey...

So Tiny Fey has that little scar on her face by her mouth - we've all noticed it. She has never talked about it, and why should she, right?
So of course Vanity Fair has to ask her husband about it because that seems like a relevant question:
Mr. Tina Fey, what do you think about your wife's success? How do you think she did as Palin? Aren't you glad she is so rich? What is with that scar on her face?
So he tells Vanity Fair that she was attacked and had her face slashed when she was 5. Woops - great job Vanity Fair.
I am sure this will become a Barbara Walters special that I won't watch and more people will tune into that instead of 30 ROCK WHICH IS SO DAMN GOOD AND GETS NO RATINGS!!